To start off this series I’ll give you some background. I’m a geek, a major nerd, a massive egghead, a social introvert and any other descriptive term you can give to someone of a technologically skilled background. You wouldn’t know it to look at me though, other than the laptop/tablet PC that’s almost like an extension of my arm, when primped and polished I almost look like a normal person. Because I’m such a huge geek most of my friends and family like to razz on me for the various dorky things I do (and no I don’t mean acting like a [1] ‘whale’ penis [Wikipedia informed me that the reference to whales make be a folk myth, so let’s stop the misinformation here]).

One day while I was hanging out at a local computer shop (the haven of geeks everywhere) one of my good friends started hassling me about finding a girlfriend (I wasn’t in a relationship at the time) and so I spent a lot of my time on/near or working with computers. As a result he began spouting off my “perfect woman” as a combination of high end parts of the time. The original configuration has escaped as a fleeting memory but the gist of it was “a chick with two huge blazing fast/hot PROCESSORS requiring some massive HEATSINKS for cover, a couple huge HARD DRIVES so she’d never forget a thing, a GIG or two of RAM so she could crunch the shopping list while making dinner, a screaming GRAPHICS CARD so she could always show her best side, a large LCD SCREEN so I could enjoy the view, a GIGABIT ETHERNET port for me to interface, and various other accouterments as her “bling”. His wife was almost rolling on the floor and the owner of the shop and his wife couldn’t stop laughing, I just shot them a sheepish grin and suggested something along the lines of she’d need a beefy POWER SUPPLY if she was going to keep up with all the things she’d be tasked with. We all had a good laugh and they still give me crap from time to time about it, even though we can’t remember half the hardware my dream “babe” had in her.

The point of the story is that we often personify the equipment we use from day to day, boats are often female as are cars, trucks I’d assume to be male but I’ve never looked under their bed to see what secrets they are hiding, and bits of technology are invariably infested with gremlins, whatever sex they might be. People often laugh or give me a strange look when I tell them a computer of mine (which often has a name) is acting up or being grouchy, yet at the same time it gives them a new way to look at their computer, even if it doesn’t have feelings sometimes our possessions reflect the owner. This series is going to be my take on various services, I’m going to try and keep from limiting myself so I’ll start off with common services run from ports/sockets on a PC, but I’ll try to expand into other areas as well. Stay tuned for the next edition of Services Personified and feel free to give me suggestions for services I should cover.